Let me start by saying that Grandpa Sex Machine is NOT based on my grandfather.
My real grandpa was definitely a charming guy who flirted with every woman he met, but he had class and was always a gentleman (not like Gus).
I’ve always heard the stories about how tough Grandpa was–how after he,Â his crew mates, and their B-25 got shot up with .50 caliber machine guns and they were getting ready to land, he threatened the pilot that pulled into the flight path in front of him, even though the other guy out-ranked him.Â How he kept the bullet in his back for 10 days because the flight surgeon said, “I’ll come back for that later–I’m too drunk right now.”Â How they got shot down over China, bounced off a rice paddy, and flew the rest of the way home.Â How after being stationed on GuamÂ his job was to fly inside typhoons (those are hurricanes to you and me).Â On purpose.Â Repeatedly.Â How there were times inside a typhoon when they had the nose pointed straight down and the throttle all the way up but the altimeter kept climbing.
Those are the stories I heard about Grandpa.Â What I knew about him first-hand was that he was the man who taught me the importance of filling every crater in your waffle with syrup.Â He taught me the whole concept of “Ladies First,” including the bit about holding the door open.Â We built a birdhouse together.Â We sat at the bar together when I was little and he’d drink a dry martini while I drank a Shirley Temple.Â He always insisted on picking up the tab.Â He’s the first person I knew with a home computer (an Apple II+), and he encouraged my sister and me to use it/play with it/learn about it.
He had plans to live to 102 and get shot by a jealous husband, but it didn’t quite work out that way.
I love you Grandpa, and I miss you.
Are you in desperate need of some Grandpa Sex Machine merchandise?Â I thought so.Â That’s why I did you the favor of making Gus available on a skate deck.
But wait, there’s more!Â For all of you old farts (like me) that’ll break a hip if you try to ollie, here’s the GSM longboard, built for cruisin’.
And finally, because all the kids dig the snow sports these days, the GSM snowboard, featuring Grandpa printed on a genuine Donek snowboard.Â Sweet.
So think about this stuff for your Valentine–because nothing says “I Love You” like a dirty old man with a thong on his head.
Congratulations Barack Obama!
I’m voting for Barack Obama. You should too. Go vote now.
As I look over my website stats, I’m not surprised to see odd search terms giving me hits.Â People googleÂ proctology and are given link to my site.Â They Ask Jeeves about a duplex kidney and are sent here.Â The vast quantity of search terms that point this direction are variations on a theme:Â grandpa sex, sex with grandpa, hot sexy grandpa, are all shockingly prevalent.Â Seriously.Â I’m not trying to judge, but…
Anyhow, a couple months back I noticed a lot of searches from all over the world for Charlie James.Â People from France, Turkey, Hungary, Brazil, and the US, all searching for my name.Â I knew I shared a name with an old St. Louis Browns baseball player, but I was resonably certain that these folks weren’t searching for either one of us.Â I googled my own name and couldn’t find anyone that held any status worthy of such interest.
That’s when I turned off the safety filter.
As it turns out, not only do I share a name with a female porn star, but so does my wife.
So I tried watching the MTV Video Music Awards last night and felt completely out of touch.Â I had always heard that the big target demographic that advertisers are after are “Men, 18-35.”Â I always thought “Weird.Â I won’t suddenly change into my father at the age of 36.”Â Well on Saturday I turned 36, and as I tried watching the VMAs on Sunday I realized that I was right about not changing into my father, but the problem was that I hadn’t changed into a hip young kid, either.Â I am irrelevant.
The whole Myspace thing seems like a place for kids to spend time online–being angsty and putting themselves at risk for abduction.Â So I joined Facebook and thought, “Yeah.Â Looks like adults are here.Â People I graduated High School with.Â Nice.”Â Then I got my first piece of “Flair,” and as I looked throughout the choices of flair and realized that I have no opinion whatsoever on either the Jonas Brothers or Twilight, it became apparent that 98% of this Flair thing was not targeted at me.Â Once again, I’m irrelevant.
So…36 Saturday, VMAs on Sunday.Â Feeling old.Â Then Kid Rock came on, and I thought “Seriously?Â He’s still around?Â He sucked when he was new, like 10 years ago, didn’t he?”Â Â That’s whenÂ I realized that I’ve been out of the loop for a lot longer thanÂ I previously thought.
Anyhow, the monsterbubbles.com overhaul is complete–go check it out.
Also, I’ve opened up a skateshop kind of a thing. The folks at popdeck started up a print-on-demand service they call deckpeck for getting skateboard decks printed.Â You can buy some of my art printed on these decks for a mere $50 (plus shipping).Â So check it out, and buy a board.Â Please?
Sorry no Grandpa Sex Machine updates–no time to color lately.Â I’ve got several all sketched out, I just need to color.Â Once they are up I’m going to concentrate on another project for a bit.Â More on that shortly.
Sorry no new funnies for awhile.Â Here’s what’s up with me:
- Floors finished, baseboards finished, thresholds nearly finished
- re-design for monsterbubbles.com nearly complete–hoping to go live with it before the end of August
- working on posters for a few local theater productions
- trying to find time to draw the pile of Summer Olympic-inspired GSM ideas I’ve had
- Set up a Facebook page for GSM
Take special note of that final item, please.Â If you have a Facebook profile, and if you dig Grandpa Sex Machine, help a brother out and become a fan, won’t you?
Anyhow, hoping to have some sort of picturey thing to show you later in the week–maybe GSM, maybe just sketchbook stuff, but I’ll try to have some sort of content soon.Â I’ll be headed back to the day-job on Wednesday.Â Â Later!
Clean, flat, fragrance-free
Dude, you gotta see my floor.
Timmy’s my hero.
Not quite finished yet (still have to do the baseboards), but the floors are down and a VAST improvement over the gross carpet that was on top of the busted linoleum that was on top of the original asphalt tile. Thanks, Tim.
Anyhow, no promises on the the next Grandpa Sex Machine update, but I will say I’ve got a couple drawn and waiting to be scanned and colored. Hopefully we’ll get the baseboards done quickly and I can get back at it. Of course, when the remodeling junk is finished, I’ve got some web-design work to do–that pays better than Grandpa does, so it’s my number one priority. Later.
Sorry for the lack of Grandpa Sex Machine this week, but like I mentioned before, home remodeling is taking priority right now. I’ve been sneezing incessantly since this whole thing began–good times.
Wanted to mention that the Belleville Chapter of the Drink and Draw Social Club (which I’ve been absent from for the past couple weeks) is having a Dr. Sketchy’s inspired evening this Thursday. Mosaics on Main has invited the Alley Cat Revue, so for a $10 cover charge you’ll be able to draw burlesque performers. So once again–all you St. Louis area artists–bring your sketchbooks and come hang out with us tomorrow night!
DJ Coffman posted this yesterday, and I just got around to reading it now. Pretty lousy news. If you haven’t been reading Hero By Night, it’s really good stuff–DJ has really made an effort to re-capture the fun-ness of Kirby-era superheroes.Â Show some support for DJ and the HBN–go buy all the back-issues you can get your hands on.Â Probably too late to make any real difference, but at least you’ll have a stack of high quality reading.