Are you in desperate need of some Grandpa Sex Machine merchandise?  I thought so.  That’s why I did you the favor of making Gus available on a skate deck.

But wait, there’s more!  For all of you old farts (like me) that’ll break a hip if you try to ollie, here’s the GSM longboard, built for cruisin’.

And finally, because all the kids dig the snow sports these days, the GSM snowboard, featuring Grandpa printed on a genuine Donek snowboard.  Sweet.

So think about this stuff for your Valentine–because nothing says “I Love You” like a dirty old man with a thong on his head.